Hello everyone. yes today (the 25th) is my birthday. i'm saying the 25th just in case this posts after midnight so you guys can know. i know its a little late in the day to post about this but i didnt have time earlier. i had to work this morning. it sucked but the work day wasnt so bad and i had to set the shedule up that way so i could have the evening off to enjoy it. and i'm off tomorrow so i wont have to wake up early and can get some errands done.
After work i went and visited my parents house, got some gifts, had dinner, and had cake (chocolate and vanilla) after. from there my boyfriend picked me up, then we picked up a few friends and went out to eat. since i had eaten at my parents house i just had something light and a drink. it was a fun night and i wish it couldve lasted longer but tomorrow is monday and everyone else had to work. thats ok, thats life.
Ok everyone that was my birthday and i had fun. i hope everyone else had a good weekend too.
Its such a nice day here today. i have all my windows open and since the place i live at is a corner unit i am getting a great breeze in here. as i sit and type i am enjoying a nice refreshing coke.
Besides all the craziness from my last post (which has now calmed down) i have had 1 main thing on my mind for while now. its the same thing in the pic. a new place. yes i have mentioned wanting a new place before but lately not having a place has made me more impatient. i am a very patient person. too patient sometimes. i guess the frustration of living with family is getting to me more these days. part of it is the situation with my boyfriend too.
Usually i am the more logical and patient one and i would be telling my boyfriend not to worry that soon enough we will have a place, or a car, or whatever. my boyfriend would reassure me on these things too but he would be the one to feel more anxious to get it faster. now it seems that things have switched, like we have switched in a way. he is now the patient one telling me not to worry, we will get a place soon enough, etc, and i am the one feeling desperate to move. like i said i guess i am feeling a bit more frustrated about my living situation.
It used to be easy for me to use my patience and soon enough i got what i wanted. now out of frustration its not so easy anymore. i just try to listen to my boyfriend and trust in him and myself that things will work out. i just have to remember to use that patience of mine that everyone knows me for and just relax. my main conflict is not so much whether i will get a place or not but when. i know i will have my own place again, i am mostly frustration at when i will have it.
Recently i have been conflicted with myself on whether or not i should move sooner or later. some tell me sooner and others later. from my experience later has been better for me. its the frustration once again. i find myself checking online for apartments all the time knowing that i actually wont be moving too soon but hoping too. i know that the best thing for me is really to move later on when i have saved more money and my boyfriend has saved more money too. things will be more stable a little farther down the road. and i also think that during the summer many places will also go down in rent prices b/c summer here is slow season.
I can be very logical and reasonable. i have mentioned the reasons why i should wait but my frustration tells me the hell with waiting. in the end i know that waiting a little bit will benefit me and by saving more money i could end up with a better place for a better price. i know what i need to do and i need to calm my frustration down and just wait. time goes by quickly so waiting likely wont feel like it took long. i hope that soon enough at the right time i will have a post announcing my new place and maybe I'll even post some pics too.
I am back, sorry for another absence. life is just crazy when you start a new job. this post today is gonna be more like a rant & rave day. first off i would like to say Happy Spring to my readers. i would have done this on the first day of spring but like i said, things got busy.
Anyway the job is ok. its a good job. once i pass the 3 month probation period i will start to make more money per hour. i am a bit pissed off that one of my managers changed the schedule at the last minute b/c one of my co-workers got injured. i'm not blaming the co-worker but the schedule i had recently was great and now it sucks. and i have to work a double shift on sunday. i was hoping to go to the local fair on sunday, since i previously was supposed to be off that day, and sunday is the last day but oh well. there's always next year.
Lately i feel just like the girl in the picture. i have been thinking a lot about all kinds of things lately. sometimes i feel like i dont know what to do about many things. a few days ago i had a talk with my dad, well more like he started talking to me. somehow he got into a conversation about how our cultures are different and that things were better back in his day. this usually leads to a long lecture of some kind. i usually try to avoid this with my dad but simply not responding to him anymore, it makes the awkward time go by faster too.
Besides being the usual he went on about how wrong it is for guys and girls to live together and not be married, how guys are supposed to ask permission to date daughters, and that he thinks my boyfriend only wants to be with me for sex and not do anything for me, etc. my dad is very old fashioned. i have talked to him before about my boyfriend and things like that and he always seems to be fine at first but then always forgets what we talked about. my parents only remember what they want to remember and forget what they feel like forgetting.
So i have been a little depressed since that conversation but i have started to feel better. despite what my dad wants to think, my life is not that way at all. i remind myself that my life is ok and that i am a good person and continuously working towards my goals . i am getting back in school and working on a degree, i have never been in trouble for anything, i have great friends, i have a good job (although i am planning on having my own business) and make good money, i even have been able to save thousands of dollars over the past year, i will also be getting my own place soon and a car will follow (i havent had the need for one much since i share my boyfriends car). my man is great, he helps me when he can and i help him. sometimes i have a job and he doesnt and sometimes i dont have a job and he does. thats just how things are, especially today.
I am not old fashioned like my dad is. i want to be equal to my man and we have been. sorry dad but after 10 years i doubt he's with me only for sex like you think he is. my dad doesnt not believe in interracial dating/marriage and since my boyfriend is black he thinks of him as a sterotype of a criminal/drug user/been in jail/white woman user. this is not the case. we were friends for years and then got together. he has helped me more than anyone else has, even more than my parents. he has not been in trouble, he is educated, and treats me great.
Because of their attitude is why i dont bring my boyfriend around them and why my boyfriend doesnt want to be around. i have invited him over but they wanted nothing to do with it. my parents actually told me years ago that i would be dead to them if i ever was with a black guy. so we starting seeing each other secretly. of course after a while they pretty much knew but didnt say anything. my mom became ok with it over time and actually asks how we are doing and if i want to invite him over to dinner sometimes. its funny how things change, my dad never used to say anything about my relationship and my mom did. now my dad says stuff in a passive aggressive way while my mom is cool with us. it seems like whatever i do in life will never be satisfying enough for them. i have learned that thats fine. my life is mine and i decide what to do with it and how to live it. they cannot live my life for me. life is funny and definitely has it wtf moments.
Unlike my dad i am not the kind of woman that is looking to be taken care of by some guy. i want to make my own money and do things for myself. i am on my way to doing that. hell i have friends that have done things they shouldve have but were still treated better by their families than i was. but thats ok, i know i'm a good person and despite how my parents do or might feel about me i am proud of myself for being a good person and having someone that loves me. to be honest i have felt at times that i should have been bad when i was younger to have gotten some respect but that would have been more on me. there is no need for that. i will soon have my life back on track again (meaning having my own place and being back in school). i need to be happy and live my life and not let how my parents are affect me.
I am very happy that i started this blog nearly a year ago. i have been able to get out and share so much with people that i usually cant do with friends and family. i am grateful for my readers that follow me too. thanks everyone. well for now i better go. have to get ready for work. not in the mood but i just gotta do what i gotta do for now. its wont always be this way.
