Life...wtf is going on!

I am back, sorry for another absence. life is just crazy when you start a new job. this post today is gonna be more like a rant & rave day. first off i would like to say Happy Spring to my readers. i would have done this on the first day of spring but like i said, things got busy.

Anyway the job is ok. its a good job. once i pass the 3 month probation period i will start to make more money per hour. i am a bit pissed off that one of my managers changed the schedule at the last minute b/c one of my co-workers got injured. i'm not blaming the co-worker but the schedule i had recently was great and now it sucks. and i have to work a double shift on sunday. i was hoping to go to the local fair on sunday, since i previously was supposed to be off that day, and sunday is the last day but oh well. there's always next year.

Lately i feel just like the girl in the picture. i have been thinking a lot about all kinds of things lately. sometimes i feel like i dont know what to do about many things. a few days ago i had a talk with my dad, well more like he started talking to me. somehow he got into a conversation about how our cultures are different and that things were better back in his day. this usually leads to a long lecture of some kind. i usually try to avoid this with my dad but simply not responding to him anymore, it makes the awkward time go by faster too.

Besides being the usual he went on about how wrong it is for guys and girls to live together and not be married, how guys are supposed to ask permission to date daughters, and that he thinks my boyfriend only wants to be with me for sex and not do anything for me, etc. my dad is very old fashioned. i have talked to him before about my boyfriend and things like that and he always seems to be fine at first but then always forgets what we talked about. my parents only remember what they want to remember and forget what they feel like forgetting.

So i have been a little depressed since that conversation but i have started to feel better. despite what my dad wants to think, my life is not that way at all. i remind myself that my life is ok and that i am a good person and continuously working towards my goals . i am getting back in school and working on a degree, i have never been in trouble for anything, i have great friends, i have a good job (although i am planning on having my own business) and make good money, i even have been able to save thousands of dollars over the past year, i will also be getting my own place soon and a car will follow (i havent had the need for one much since i share my boyfriends car). my man is great, he helps me when he can and i help him. sometimes i have a job and he doesnt and sometimes i dont have a job and he does. thats just how things are, especially today.

I am not old fashioned like my dad is. i want to be equal to my man and we have been. sorry dad but after 10 years i doubt he's with me only for sex like you think he is. my dad doesnt not believe in interracial dating/marriage and since my boyfriend is black he thinks of him as a sterotype of a criminal/drug user/been in jail/white woman user. this is not the case. we were friends for years and then got together. he has helped me more than anyone else has, even more than my parents. he has not been in trouble, he is educated, and treats me great.

Because of their attitude is why i dont bring my boyfriend around them and why my boyfriend doesnt want to be around. i have invited him over but they wanted nothing to do with it. my parents actually told me years ago that i would be dead to them if i ever was with a black guy. so we starting seeing each other secretly. of course after a while they pretty much knew but didnt say anything. my mom became ok with it over time and actually asks how we are doing and if i want to invite him over to dinner sometimes. its funny how things change, my dad never used to say anything about my relationship and my mom did. now my dad says stuff in a passive aggressive way while my mom is cool with us. it seems like whatever i do in life will never be satisfying enough for them. i have learned that thats fine. my life is mine and i decide what to do with it and how to live it. they cannot live my life for me. life is funny and definitely has it wtf moments.

Unlike my dad i am not the kind of woman that is looking to be taken care of by some guy. i want to make my own money and do things for myself. i am on my way to doing that. hell i have friends that have done things they shouldve have but were still treated better by their families than i was. but thats ok, i know i'm a good person and despite how my parents do or might feel about me i am proud of myself for being a good person and having someone that loves me. to be honest i have felt at times that i should have been bad when i was younger to have gotten some respect but that would have been more on me. there is no need for that. i will soon have my life back on track again (meaning having my own place and being back in school). i need to be happy and live my life and not let how my parents are affect me.

I am very happy that i started this blog nearly a year ago. i have been able to get out and share so much with people that i usually cant do with friends and family. i am grateful for my readers that follow me too. thanks everyone. well for now i better go. have to get ready for work. not in the mood but i just gotta do what i gotta do for now. its wont always be this way.