where was I ... ?

After working last night i had errands to run in the morning so when i went to bed yesterday it was 1pm so i spend the day in bed. i guess i must have been tired. i woke up very late around 11pm (was pissed off) and after a while got online and decided to go on my blog again. it had been months. i didnt even realized it until i started looking at my last post. cant believe i havent written anything since before halloween. i feel embarrassed. sometimes people just have stuff going on and get distracted or tired, etc. i honestly have not had the energy or motivation to write. i really should post more often like i used to. i used to be so active on here in the beginning and especially being the holidays i hate that i havent posted or even changed the way my blog looks to go with the holidays. i love doing that and completely missed it. life can get to you. anyway i am going to catch everyone up on what i've been up to this holiday season.


When halloween time came around i was pretty busy having fun. the friday before halloween i went out to a bar with friends to hear a band play. a friend of my friend knew someone playing in that band. on saturday i headed down to key west with a group of friends. around this time of year theres a festival down there called fantasy fest. some of you might have heard of it. its like a crazy street party and it seems like anything goes. i'm not wild and crazy like that but definitely had fun. we headed down by rented bus around noon and headed back up after midnight. the next night i had to go into work but thats ok b/c i had halloween night off and went to south beach with my friends and partied and took pics and stuff. they all left home early. i dont know why but i was still in the mood to party so i continued to have fun on my own and went home later on. got back home around 5am. This halloween weekend was one of the best weekends i have ever had.

For thanksgiving not much happened. my mom was out of town, she didnt expect to be but had to. it was ok. i brought some stuff for thanksgiving dinner and made dinner for my dad and stepdad. that was about it for thanksgiving, just dinner at home and then had to work. its sux to have to work on a holiday but since i work at night i can still enjoy the day.




Christmas was similar to thanksgiving. my mom was originally still supposed to be outta town but came back early for christmas. sadly i got a cold from my dad recently so was still feeling sick before christmas. on christmas eve was supposed to go to my moms for dinner or at least just go somewhere but wasnt feeling up to it so i ended up staying in and watching christmas movies on tv. on christmas i was much better and went over to my moms place, my dad and stepdad were there also. so was my puppy and my moms dog (my puppy's mom). we all had dinner and then exchanged gifts. it was a nice night.


During all of this i really wish my boyfriend could have joined me. i miss him so much. i barely get to see him anymore. he's been working so much lately. i would rather have spent my holiday time with him than anyone else. but i understand his side, he is really focusing on making money right now to get us started off right. soon enough we should be able to get our own place and when we do then he will ease up on work and work a more normal schedule like i do. also once we have a place we will have more peace of mind away from our families and the crappy places we live in now and be able to work together on achieving our goal of owning a business and some real estate so we can stop working jobs. i cant wait. we did have our 12 year anniversary recently. yes 12 years we have been together. we went to a concert and had dinner after wards then hung out for a while.

Updates on my best friend are about the same. we have been talking more lately if you consider texting talking which i dont and i know many of you dont either. at least its something. we only actually talk when she calls me wanting to chat then we can finally chat for a while. i dont bother calling her at this time only b/c every time i have she gets distracted by anything and hangs up not even 5 mins later. oh well i guess this is just how things are with her now with the baby.

for now i'll just deal with it as is and maybe this is how its supposed to be now. i have my job which has been good to me for the 1 1/2 years i have been there and has given me the financial means to do just about whatever i want these days. in the past i had to rely on my best friend to go out most of the time or to pay for me sometimes which is part of the reason i feel the way i do. being able to make stable money has given me opportunities to go out with many friends more often, go to parties, buy things whenever i want, and even go out to things like concerts. i guess life found a way to balance things out for me and i didnt realize as much as i do now while typing this.

Having fun and feeling better...

Well things for me have been going a little better. i got to spend some time with my boyfriend recently. we went to a concert earlier in the week. it was a short trip away so i booked us a nice hotel room for the night. we had dinner, enjoyed the concert, and relaxed and talked the rest of the evening. got some great sleep too. we went to a Weird Al concert. i love that guy. he is as hilarious as ever. so glad i got us tix early. we have great upper level seats. we have laughed that hard or had that much fun in a long while. cant wait for him to tour in my area again. with my boyfriend working all the time and me working also its hard to spend any time together, especially when we dont live together right now. definitely gotta appreciate the times we do get to spend together even more.

Well as far as everything else things are getting a little better. still saving money for a place. had some expenses recently so almost have to start over again. one recent expense was one i was waiting for lately. i finally got my new puppy. she came in on friday. i love her, she is so adorable. has a little separation anxiety for now but generally she is very well behaved. i am happy with her.

As far as any updates with my best friend and her new baby, no updates really. she is doing well and the baby is good. i know how i have been ranting and raving about it lately. sorry if i bothered anyone too much. as i said before just had a lot of feelings to get out. i am just not used to this. one day not long ago we did chat on the phone for a while and that was great. havent chatted that long since the baby was born. most of the time now from talking for hours on the phone everyday is now reduced to mostly texting here and there. i still kinda feel the way i have described before but at this point in time i have come to some realizations. i have come to accept the situation especially when i have known her for over 15 years and over time this is how she has become. she distances herself from almost everyone when she has a change in her life. so for now all i can do is wait and see when she decides she wants me to visit. she is still my best friend and i still love and support her and will always be there for her. in the meantime i have my man and other friends that i have been hanging out with so i dont have to feel alone. i do have other people in my life that want to be with me and dont distance themselves b/c of a change. i am grateful for good friends and for a man that loves me very much.

Fall is here...

Well its the 1st day of fall today. i am feeling good about that. today there also new season premieres on today. theres kitchen nightmares, ghost adventures, and more.

Also cant wait for the weather to change. would be nice for the days to be cooler. also fall is the start of the holidays. i love the holidays. i actually was hoping that my boyfriend and i couldve gotten married today. i thought being friday (our fav day of the week) and being the 1st day of fall (our fav season) it would have been a nice day to do so. and sept 23 is a nice date in my opinion too. sadly it didnt work out. oh well, thats ok. just gonna wait a little longer. not in a rush but it would be nice to marry the man i love already. i do have another date later this year in mind. maybe that will work out, we'll see. either way it would be better to have an apt together first anyway. still working on that and getting closer to it. i have done some more work to my car and its running great so thats another thing i have been able to get done and am feeling good about.

For now i have been taking better care of myself and have been getting dr check ups and obgyn check ups and had a dental exam recently too. the general health checkups are fine. i will be getting my full obgyn check up results too. dental is ok too but i do need a cleaning. well everyone does after a while. i will mention the other check ups i plan to do in a future post. for now of course i wanted to see how i am healthwise and i am ok. as for the obgyn check ups, of course as a woman i wanna see how i am but also make sure i am ok to have kids in the future. especially since my boyfriend wants kids. it seems like i am going to get harassed about it for a while until i do. my boyfriend has wanted kids for years. for some years my mom has been bothering me about grand kids and has gotten more annoying over time, even more now b/c my best friend. i recently found out my boyfriends mom asked him about when we finally gonna have kids. everyone is starting to piss me off. i am not ready yet and dont have anything ready for a kid anyway. no apt, no money saved, not married, etc. sorry but i have never believed in that way of thinking that many people have about how you can never really be ready for a kid. well maybe not completely mentally ready but for me as far as financially (money), physically (losing weight), being stable (having a place to live), fun (travel a little and live a little bit more), etc people can be ready before hand. at least i plan to, despite how everyone is harassing me or whatever baby signs i have been seeing since last year. and i have found it to be bs and many of the people i know that ended up having kids that way is b/c they allowed their emotional side to take over and they regretted it. i dont want to regret having kids.

As far as my last post. i know that i probably sounded crazy with as much as i wrote. hell i seem to have written a little too much in this post too, lol. gotta love blogs, great way to let out whatever you're feeling. i just had so much to let out. i am feeling better about kids lately. my best friend recently had her baby not long ago. i went to visit her at the hospital. i didnt hear from her the day the baby was born b/c she was in bad shape. she ended up having a c-section, and was given meds for pain. she really didnt want to but the baby couldnt fit through her pelvis. she was dead set on no c-section but i did warn her months ago to at least keep it in mind just in case b/c she is very thin woman and its likely to happen. and it happened, she didnt listen to me and now reality has hit her. now whats funny is that she says is at when she has her 2nd kid (at least 3 or more years form now) she try to have a natural birth (its possible after a c-section) and if after 2 or 3 hours of trying then she just tell the doctors to give her a c-section if she cant have the baby naturally. she would have had 3-4 kids if they she could have them all naturally but even the doctor told her that natural births are not for her and he doesnt recommend it. so it looks like she will likely just have 2. i love her baby and all (i did the moment i saw her) but sadly the baby was born with a deformity, its minor though and can be easily fixed. i personally think that how she had the c-section and all the pain and swelling she went through and the baby's deformity was all karma coming back at her. she had a baby in an environment of selfishness and laziness in my opinion and thats why i think its happened the way it did. i even had visions and dreams of it. if you havent read my last post read it and you'll know why i am saying what i'm saying.

Well thats my rant and rave for now i guess. i know sometimes i post more frequently than others times and if i take too long i am sorry but at times i am just busy or too tired (mostly from work) to post something even when i want to. i cant wait for the day my boyfriend and i can get a business going and no longer have to work. til then just gonna do what we gotta do and enjoy life as much as possible at the same time.

doing some serious thinking...(warning-long post)

I've been having a lot of mixed feelings lately. for some time now i have been thinking more serious about what i want in life. i'm talking more about the future. mainly my serious thinking involves both my boyfriend and i. mainly about where i see us in the future and about kids in the future.

I never really cared to have kids but my boyfriend definitely wants a lot of them. i guess being a little older now i have actually been thinking about having kids. i have made it very clear that if and when that time comes at most i would have like maybe 2 or 3 or so (it depends, dont know what the future holds yet). i wouldnt mind 2, a girl and a boy. of if i only had 1 i want it to be a girl, if i have more then one i want a girl first regardless. my boyfriend agrees with that, he wants a girl first too. i got him to realize that too many kids is just nuts. we have no way to take care of a lot of kids, let alone just 1 right now. and even if we have the means having too many kids is not necessary or smart, at least not for me.

Either way there are things i want us to have first. definitely i want us to get married first. we are engaged. i want us also to have a nice place together, either a good 2 or 3 bedroom apartment or even better, a house (basically a decent place to live and a good amount of space). i want us each to have a good car. i have one now but he doesnt. i have been doing repairs to my and its driving great. i want us to have a nice small wedding and a great honeymoon and do a little traveling and have some road trips (i would be happy with traveling at least 1 place b4 kids, preferably during the honeymoon or even making a road trip for the honeymoon). i want to finish school also, although i could compromise and maybe finish part of school after having a kid if it comes to that or doing something before, its hard to say right now. very importantly i myself need to lose weight as well. i dont wanna be out of shape when that time comes. most definitely i want us to not have to work. we want to own some businesses and real estate so that we dont have to have jobs anymore. the real estate wont be too easy but the businesses actually can be. there are some small businesses my boyfriend has the opportunity to own but he just needs the start up money (which is why he is working alot right now). we're sick of working for other people. i believe we can do it, it will just take a little time and money.

These things arent just to prepare for a kid, this is more of us living and enjoying our lives together before devoting a lot of it to kids. its just not the same when you dont have kids and are free to come and go as you please and answer to no one then when you have kids and have to take care of them first before you can do anything you want or need to. to me having these things in place will be beneficial for when a kid does come in the picture. i want us to have had a life and have done stuff together, my man and i have been together for years but have not been able to do much together in all this time. once kids come into the picture you have to dedicate so much time and energy to them that you just dont have as much time for yourselves, at least not at first. if you have a good support system then its not so bad time wise. to me it seems like alot of people get married to just have kids in wedlock (i actually know a couple like that, another couple that doesnt love each other but married just for the kid, and yet another couple where the wife is pregnant b/c her husband wanted a kid-in reality it was to keep her trapped). i just dont wanna be one of those women that ends up having kids, stays stuck at home, and regretting their lives and never being able to go anywhere or do anything. i refuse to end up that way. i never liked the stay at home mom lifestyle, for anyone that likes that life more power to you but its not me. i know i might sound bad or maybe even like a kid hating bitch or whatever but thats not the case. its just not all that simple. i want to have lived and have had a life somewhat before having a kid and even when the kids come into the picture i'm not just gonna be a stay at home mom either. of course i will be home to raise my kid but thats just not the only thing i wanna do. i'm not giving up my personal life entirely b/c of a kid, i still want and need to live as well. becoming a mom shouldnt mean that your individual self is done. i've it happen too many times which is why i have been scared to have kids for so many years. thats why i want and need to have these things in place first. i dont want to regret my life or my child.

At this point in time my best friend is about 8 months pregnant. i am happy for her but i dont feel happy about it deep down. i dont let her know that though. my issues right now have nothing to do with her. its my personal feelings that i have to deal with, no one else. we hang out and stuff but being that she is a slender petite girl she gets tired easily and she doesnt even want to go out at night anymore b/c she is tired. thats normal of course but what worries me is that i think she will change completely once her daughter is here (yes she is having a girl). she changed and became one of those doesnt want to work anymore wives b/c the man makes enough money kinda person. that was not the kind of person i knew her to be before she got married. and i'm afraid that once that baby is here that i will barely ever see her unless its to go to her place to help her with the baby or a doctors appointment or something like that which is guess is ok but it will frustrate me at times when i just wanna hang out with her. her mom is living with her and helping her but who knows if she will be scared to leave the baby with her mom even for just a moment to go to a movie or out to eat or something, i hope she wont be afraid to do so. i hope she doesnt forget herself just b/c of the baby. she didnt really plan on having a kid now, she wanted to start later this year or next year but her husband wanted to start. something happened b/w them recently that made him want to start having a family in an effort to make them closer. sometimes having a kid will do that and sometimes it wont. depends on the couple. this couple in reality is nothing more than he wanted a kid b/c he did something recently that almost broke up the marriage (after a while and a lot of fights she forgave him) so he wanted to the kid thinking having a family will make them closer and he knows that she wont leave if she does have a kid b/c she wont the lifestyle that he has provided for her. in my opinion this is kind of a sad reason to have a kid. for her, shes in her early 30's and doesnt want to wait too much longer and possibly not being able to have a kid b/c of the biological clock women have (typical situation for a lot of women). i consider that clock to be so unfair. it forces women not ready to have a kid or those who want to wait to have one before being ready and if you dont you might possibly never be able to have your own or it will be too hard to do. yes there is adoption and other options but its not the same compared to having your own.

I know this is a long post. i meant to post it some time ago but kept on editing it once a while until i felt it was right. i love having a blog so much. i can write what i want and get out feelings and frustrations i am dealing with without anyone knowing who i am or getting mad at me for what i wrote or thinking i am a freak b/c of what i wrote. thank you blogger.com

Getting back to business....

Hey everyone. back again. i was finally able to catch up on reading blogs today and posting on my own again also. a lot of the blogs i read have pretty much done the same thing. some havent posted in a while due to work or other issues. well same here, work is keeping me busy and tired usually. but cant complain, i love having a good job that pays well and where i get along with everyone.

Well its pretty much the start of summer. i hope everyone is enjoying themselves and having fun going to the beach or whatever. i just wish it wouldnt get so hot in my area but hey its summer. it rained today in my area but not much. there wasnt been much rain last year or this year over here. i actually want a good hard rain for a day. i live in florida and florida is dry right now, we need rain. also i like rainy weather and would love some water instead of hot sun for a change.

As far as whats going on with me is that i did get a car not long ago, back in april. not a new car but i love it. took me a little time but i saved the money, brought it, and its all mine. got the title already too. it feels good to own my car and not have to make monthly payments. still have to do that with the insurance unfortunately but thats part of having a car. still have a few repairs to do but nothing major. still saving for an apartment but once the car is done that wont be a problem. gotta say it feels so good to be able to drive to work and anywhere else i need to go w/o having to rely on a bus or someone else to take me somewhere.

I also had my 2 year blogiversary last month but didnt post b/c i actually forgot from being busy. i have almost forgotten how good it feels to blog. its a great outlet to express yourself. i mean i can write things on here that i cant or dont share with anyone else. well thats it for now. i will be posting again in a day or two. got something more on the personal side of things i wanna blog about.

Car search continues...

Well i have finally had a chance to clean out the car. it is really to sell. i'm really just trying to get the best price i can from a junker but someone walking by me earlier while i was cleaning it out asked me if i was selling. i said yes and we talked about a price. she said she would talk to her husband and see if he was interested. if he is then i can get a little more than i would from a junker so i will give them a chance to contact me today. if not then i will just contact a junker tomorrow and be done with it. i have been searching for another car but everyone is either asking too much or selling a crappy looking lemon. i'm not desperate so i can wait a little longer. although it is a little frustrating to not be able to drive for now but i can deal with it. i've dealt with worse. you know the old saying, "what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger."

busy, busy, busy...

Hello everyone. i have finally found some time to post again. i have missed doing so but have just been so much more busier than usually lately. first off i would like to say Happy Valentine's Day to everyone (i know i'm a little late). i hope everyone had a nice romantic valentines day. what did i do? unfortunately nothing. had to work but its ok, my man and i will see each other soon again. as much as i would have loved to have gone out on valentines day its not mandatory. although it was a little saddening when i saw friends on facebook


Either way the car is broken down and neither of us can drive anywhere. but thats ok though, i never liked that car my boyfriend bought. its too big, wastes gas, and is expensive to fix which is why i am currently looking for another car. its not easy looking for another car, i cant afford too much, and many people are just plain greedy. they want too much for a car and wont negotiate. many cars also have issues. i dont have time to fix a car, i need a good working car now. i would love a new car but that is just too much money. i dont wanna spend years paying off a car when i can just spend a little now and buy it at one time.


Now for some good news. as of last month i was promoted at work. only 6 months at my job (at the time) i was made a manager and given a nice raise. it feels good when a job actually appreciates your hard work. i feel good about it. its nice to be in a higher position and make good money. i hope to stay at this job for a while. and the extra money i'll be making will really help with my goals of buying another car, getting an apartment, and hopefully this year going back to school. we'll see what the future holds.