Not sure how to feel...

I spoke to an old friend of my today. It has been years since we talked or have even seen eachother. I was happy to speak to her. We were teenagers we when last saw eachother. I heard from her because my mom went to visit her family. I would have gone but i have to work later today so i couldnt make it. The last time that i saw my friend i had already started college and she was going to start the next semester. Her parents were going to take her upstate and get her her own apartment and pay for school. She didnt have to worry about anything when it comes to school. Yeah i know i sound a little jealous. At the time i was.

So anyway, i speak to her and find out that she is now a real estate lawyer, married, and her husband is a project manager. I mean, as one of my oldest dearest friends i am happy for her and also felt kinda sad and depressed when she told me. I even cryed for a moment. It was like one moment we are just teenagers having fun teh suddenly we're grown up adults with lives and husbands (not yet for me) and stuff. I also know her family. They pride themselves on being successful as far as college, money, marriage, and having kids. I dont have any of those and i feel like when i see them again soon, for the first time in years-we had lost touch along time ago, will they talk shit because i am not at their level. That is actually the reason they didnt keep in touch with us that much, my family and i werent as well off as we used to be.

I'm kind of afraid of being judged by them because of my life now. I mean i am in college but have to take a little time off right now to make money, which is why i am working 2 jobs, to pay for school again. Financial aid has cut me off so i am on my own. I lost my car due to a hit and run in the middle of the night. It was around 330am and some guy smashed my car and left. Insurance couldnt cover it so i got screwed.

I guess i shouldnt let them bother me. I do miss my friend, she has always been a good friend, but i dont really hang out with her family that much. I found out from my mom that most of them arent living that great, they have gained a lot of weight and arent living the best life like they used to so i dont have anything to be jealous of or worry about. I guess shes right but i still cant help to feel the way i do. I'm sure others have felt the same at some point. I mean my friend might have her degree and be a lawyer now but she also told me that she isnt really working now because the market is slow. So i guess we are all in the same boat but just in different ways.

I know what i want and i will get that degree, a house, my own business, and all the other things that i want, even if it takes time. Having all that stuff sooner doesnt necessarily make you successful, just like beauty its in the eye of the beholder. But as i was saying before i still feel a little nervous about seeing them all again but at the same time and excited because i want to see my friend again. Hmm, i dont know how to feel. I guess when the time comes i'll find out.

Happy Mothers Day to everyone!